I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
