As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
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I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
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Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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