Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
