If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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