I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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