Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
