Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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