so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
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I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
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You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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