dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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