white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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