after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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