I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
