Don't make out with my wife yet
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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