i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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