i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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