Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
