the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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