I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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