i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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