You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
