Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
