you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
