I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
