i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
