none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize