Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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