When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
