I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
