hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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