we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
