i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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