I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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