then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
