Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
