i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
