I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
