Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
