Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
