those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
