Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
