yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
