My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Pants are for mortals
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize