is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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