you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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