I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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