So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
