I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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