Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
