I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
