Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
