I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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