I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
