The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize