Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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