This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
