I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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