so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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