He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
