Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
