Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just had sex bonerless
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
