I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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