Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
