I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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