You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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