I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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